Lessons From A Not So Happy Camper
by TheSweetestSerendipity
Summary: Objective: A week filled of camping fun with friends that would create awesome memories like in those cool indie flicks….or at least make for a good article. Result: A week from hell brought to you by the she-devil known as Mother Nature.


Hola! So this is a story that I wrote a while back, but never finished so I decided to revisit it, because hey why not add on to the hundreds and thousands of other camping stories out there lol. The title is a little meh and unoriginal, but I'm hoping to make it up for it by the story. So here it is!

**Summary: **Sakura is a writer for the magazine Kunoichi and has been giving the task of writing an article on camping. In order to write with journalistic integrity she decides to rope her friends into a weekend filled of camping fun that they will never forget….or try really hard to.

**Rating T:** Mostly for swearing and some suggestive material.

* * *

**Camping; one of America's favorite past times. **

**O.K maybe it's lower on the list under baseball and supersizing, but gosh darn it it's on there. Anyway when you think of camping you think about loading up the van with tents, food, games, and heading up to the Catskills to enjoy some much needed fresh air and quality bonding time with friends.**

**So naturally when my boss approached me to write an article focusing on the forgotten art of camping for our new "Summer Bucket List" edition of Kuonichi Magazine I was beyond thrilled.**

**Finally an excuse to get all nostalgic and sappy as I recount fun memories fishing down the creek, roasting s'mores by the fire, and telling ghost stories right as the sun went down.**

**This article was going to be amazing! Until I realized I've never been camping before in my entire life.**

**Damn.**

* * *

"Seriously? Camping?" I inquired as I sat in the huge beanbag chair across from Kunoichi's infamous editor Tsunade.

"Yes Sakura! C'mon it's perfect! The kids today aren't into anything that's quote unquote cool anymore. They want to discover new things. There's only so many mall scavenger hunt ideas we can shove down these teeny boppers throats" the older blonde stated.

"I don't know man, that last scavenger hunt Amy wrote up was pretty riveting. I liked the one where you had to find a lipstick to match your favorite thong."

"Shush, I have no time for your back sass Sakura. Like I said earlier our market wants to discover new things. And believe it or not camping is all about discovering. Plus these hipster scumbags are going to eat it up and absolutely love it" she retorted, adding in an unnecessary cackle.

The woman was already intimidating enough, no need to go into dramatics.

"IIIIIIII don't know about this Tsunade. I mean a whole article? Sure maybe a small snippet about it on the "What's Hot" page, but I don't know if its worthy of a full page spread" I said

* * *

**In all honesty I thought the idea was brilliant. Finally an article promoting some sort of enriching and enlightening activity into the brains of readers who care a little too much about Kimye's Vogue cover. (I see the sadness and pleas for help in your eyes Northwest. Auntie Haruno's coming to save you)**

**But I didn't know a damn thing about camping and the first rule to journalism is knowing your topic inside and out. I mean how would I cover the ailing economic crisis if I never stepped foot onto Wall Street? And the New York Times would laugh if I wrote on the Middle East's violent political movement if I never set foot into Egypt. I mean dammit I spent a whole day in a Forever 21 store to make sure these girls would know the best deals on high waisted shorts!**

**No. Nope. Not doing it. **

**I refused to give up my journalism integrity and write about something I didn't have full knowledge on.**

* * *

"It's either this or a lovely little beauty expose' on how to rock pink dyed like a rock star. Courtesy of our fave faux pink haired writer" she offered with a wicked smirk.

"Old woman you know damn well my hair is real" I snarled.

Yes it was pink. Yes it was a touchy subject. No you cannot fucking touch it.

"Well I know that my darling, but our readers aren't so privy. For all they know you're a wiz with the dye. Now what will it be?"

* * *

"So do you want to go camping?" I screamed over the bass of some seizure inducing house music.

"Whattttttt?" my best friend Ino screamed as she fist pumped to her hearts content

"Do you want to go camping" I yelled again

"Why yes Babe I am vamping, thanks for noticing. I took some tips from that garbage of a magazine you work for and decided to go for the sultry vampire look tonight" Her eyes glanced over to a tall, tan man who was worthy of being posted on every wall of Hollister. "And looks like I found my first victim" she sang as she flashed a devious smile.

"No Ino, I asked if you want to g-"

"Hush child. I have some blood, among other things, to suck tonight" she stated as she pushed through the throng of dancing people to meet and probably sink her fangs into Mr. Holllister.

Grody.

I didn't have time for this. I had an article to write and I was not going to let Ino's libido get in my way.

* * *

**So obviously I'm a writer with integrity. Sure I may be writing for the not so compelling world of women's magazine, but I'm just gaining some experience here until I hit my big break with Huffington Post. I bet all the greats started out comparing the difference between OPI's Ballet Slippers and Flushed Blush (breaking news they're both pink nail polishes).**

**At least that's what I tell myself every night as I cry myself to sleep.**

**But tonight was not a night for crying. No tonight was the night that I kicked those tears' asses.**

**I was like L'oreal Kids up in that bitch.**

**Yes, I had decided to take the assignment, but instead of mulling over it, complaining, or even worse writing some lackluster article I came to the conclusion that the only way to fix my problem was simple; go camping.**

**But I couldn't just dive head first into it. I had to plan. Prepare.**

**Because I mean everyone knows camping is in-tents. Get it? Whatever. That stuff is gold.**

**I already basically had all the necessities.**

**The location: check.**

**Supplies: Check**

**Transportation: check**

**Friends:**

**Still working on it…**

* * *

"SHE HAS HERPES" I interjected, as I came in between Ino and Mr. Hollister.

Damn he smelled delicious. Wait, was that Hollister cologne? Man, I'm good.

"Sakuraaaaaaaa" Ino whined as Mr. Hollister grabbed his drink, which looked a little too fruity for a guy like him, and disappeared. "Stop being such a cock block. It ain't cute. Just because you're celibate doesn't mean my vajeeper can't get any action"

"Eww. Do you actually hear yourself talk?" I questioned. "But never mind that, you still haven't answered my question"

"What question?"

I sighed for the hundredth time that night.

"Do you want to go camping? I was thinking that we could get the whole group together for a huge camping trip. I mean its been awhile since we've all hung out, with everyone being so busy and what not. I think the fresh air would do us some good"

And it would definitely do my article some good.

"Oh my God! Yessss!" She squealed. "This is going to be so cool! We can go hiking…"

Awesome idea

"Star gazing"

Awesome idea

"Bird watching"

Awesome idea

"And I can finally win Shika back!"

Not an awesome idea.

"Inoooooo" I groaned

"No, now hear me out." She began. "I've learned from my ways and my past mistakes. I believe I have matured during this little "break" of ours and I'm ready to be his girlfriend again."

I had to hold back a chuckle. This coming from the girl who was just hitting on a Hollister model reject.

"But I thought you wanted to sink your fangs into some hot guys? Weren't you just about to give that guy a private invitation to your vajeeper?

"Sakura that was sooooo 5 minutes ago" she cried. "And plus there are bigger things in life than sex you ding dong. I have a bigger vajeeper called my heart and it longs for my shika. So don't even start with your nagging because my mind is made up!"

* * *

**So I did what Ino asked and the rest of our night at our apartment was nag free. Partly because I didn't have the heart to break Ino's fantasy of a new blooming relationship with Shikamaru. And I'm not just being an overbearing friend here. Shikamaru is absolutely hell bent on never getting attached with the Yamanaka again and honestly I don't blame him.**

**Although Ino is an awesome friend she's a pretty shitty girlfriend. All she did was nag and complain most of the time, whether it was about his lack of affection or how he didn't spend enough money on her. Not to mention they barely had anything in common. Ino always wanted to hit up the hottest clubs and events while Shikamaru opted for a quiet night at home with a detective movie and soduku.**

**He was a mild tempered, lazy, braniac and she was the spoiled, loudmouth, party girl. Usually opposite attracts, but in this case not so much.**

**Plus on top of that there were rumors flying around that Ino wasn't entirely faithful. Now, I'm fully aware that Ino indeed did not cheat on him nor would she ever cheat on someone, but her infamous wandering eye and appreciation for a toned chest did not help her case at all.**

**And even though I had pleaded her case to Shikamaru thousands of time, he was adamant that the relationship was doomed either way. So after a couple of months he finally broke things off with Ino. At first she was furious that he would dump a "a girl of such high caliber" and their "a sure 10, while he was a mere 7 on a good day" relationship.**

**So like most girls after a bad break up, she went stupid crazy. Many a nights were filled with emotional drunken voicemails (ranging from furious to downright depressed), binge eating, venting out sessions, breaking things, and lots and lots and lots of revenge sex. **

**She was actually my inspiration for my article on "What Not To Do After Getting Dumped". That article was what caught Tsuande's attention and made me one of the top writers. Thank you Ino and Shika. **

**But finally she outgrew that stage and realized what a great guy he was and now like a caped crusader hopped up on soybean vanilla latte's and MAC lip gloss she vowed to win Shikamaru back over. And I mean if that's what it took for her to agree to camp so be it! **

**Maybe the odds would ever be in her favor in this Hunger Games of Love. Seriously? No one likes a Hunger Games joke?**

* * *

"Hey Sakura does this leather bodysuit say "Yeah I'm good at rock climbing but I would rather climb up on you?"

Oh boy.

* * *

**So the next couple of days were pretty successful as I gathered more and more of my friends to join the camping trip.**

**Naruto Uzamaki had just returned from his yearlong internship in Europe for Rogue magazine and had been dying to have an "official" hangout with the old crew.**

**His yelling over lunch not only confirmed his excitement but is also the reason why I am now legally deaf in my left ear.**

**Ten Ten was excited as well and was even able to rope in her long-term boyfriend Neji of the famous Hyuga family, much to his dismay. And of course when Neji's cousin Hinata heard that a certain hyperactive Uzamaki was going to be there she could hardly wait to pack.**

**Kiba Inuzuka and his buds Shino and Choji were all for it seeing as they've been camping numerous times. Shikamaru on the other hand was a little weary of the thought of possibly sharing a tent with Ino, but after I agreed he could bring a friend he was finally on board.**

**Last, but not least, I recruited everyone's favorite Uchiha to join in our festivities. **

**Naruto and Sasuke are by far two of my closest friends next to Ino. We've been best friends ever since we were grouped together for a coloring project in kindergarten. I always considered them like my brothers; well I did until that crazy thing called puberty. While for some this transition is unforgiving, über awkward, and sometimes traumatizing for Sasuke it was like a walk in the park as he so effortlessly became one of the sexiest men on planet earth.**

**But it wasn't until I looked past all his hyped up looks that I realized I really did care for the guy and as we grew older some complicated feelings grew as well.**

**I'm not saying I **_**romantically **_**love the guy or anything. It's weird. We're friends. It's….it's gray area! If you've ever read my article "Your friend the Friendzone" then not only are you a reader of great work but you're also aware that the gray area is that ominous limbo between friendship and a relationship. There are some girls who will jump right in it but I will be the first to tell you I am not that girl. Nope. No gray area for me.**

**Except it got kind gray last year when we drunkenly made out at TenTen's Birthday Bash.**

**Fifty Shades of fucked up more like it.**

**But luckily we played the "let's pretend that never happened since we're both emotionally challenged and not nearly mature enough to deal with such a situation."**

**So while everything for the trip seemed to be coming together, I started to worry about something that hadn't even crossed my mind at first. Would I be able to handle a camping trip with HIM? Would it be awkward? Would it get all weird again after we had worked so hard to gain our comfortable friendship back? Of course we had been on vacations and lengthy trips in the past, but nothing to that extent after the crisis at TenTen's. What if I wouldn't be able to control my flirting?**

**But I couldn't worry about trivial things of that sort. I had to focus on having an awesome camping trip to make an equally awesome article. I could not lose focus.**

**From now on I was anti-flirting and anti-Sasuke.**

**Fuck.**

* * *

That morning I had everyone gather at my house at the ungodly hour of 6, yes 6, o'clock.

I myself would have much rather been in my comfy bed having dreams of winning a Pulitzer but of course if we were going to camp we were going to do it right. And according to all the camp gurus you had to get up bright and early to utilize as much of your day.

Whatever.

Anyways, everyone was walking up, unhappily I admit, but still walking up to my porch at exactly 6.

"This is going to be so much fun you guys! I honestly haven't been this excited since the announcement of The Fault in Our Stars movie!" I exclaimed.

'Fuck your cancer book" Sasuke calmly stated as he glared at his suitcase.

Ouch. Tough crowd. But I had to remember that most of these hoodlooms were not morning people at all, some having a routine of waking up at noon and no earlier.

'That's not the attitude I was looking for! C'mon guys this is going to be fun remember"

I was met with groans and sighs instead of jumps of joys.

Would you be surprised if I told you that this was a group of good friends so close they were like a family?

"Yeah Sakura's right!" TenTen exclaimed. Avid nature lover and all things active TenTen was more stoked about the trip then I was. "Let's get up and at 'em. From now on we're on an adventure. An adventure that first starts with the boys loading all the bags up into the van."

Again we heard a chorus of groans only this time an octave lower.

"Wow TenTen you're really good at rallying the troops" I chuckled.

"All part of being a military brat I supposed" she responded with a laugh. "But I really am excited about this trip though Sakura. It's time to get out of here for a while. I need to clear my head y'know? Do some much needed thinking."

"Really? Sounds pretty serious."

"Oh no it's nothing bad." She started. "Its just that lately Neji has been extremely distant. I feel like we haven't been spending a lot of time together and I mean that's saying something since we live in the same house for Christ sakes!"

I could see that she was getting frazzled and I couldn't stand it. TenTen never got frazzled. Never.

"Dude, just chill. In all honesty you're probably just overreacting." This was met with a swift punch to my arm. "Ow!" I shrieked as I pretended to rub my sore arm in pain.

"Shut up" she said. But at least now she was in a somewhat better mood. She loved laughing at people's pain. Leave it to me to be friends with a sociopath.

"You know Neji loves you" I said as I turned to face her. "I hate to say it out loud, but you guys are just out of that honeymoon phase in your relationship. It's not all exciting and new. There's not that much pressure for him to wine and dine you and for you to continually stroke his huge ego, because you guys are both aware of your feelings that your don't need to do that. Plus with two busy jobs, it's not that surprising that you guys don't "hang out" as much."

"Wow. Thanks Dr. Haruno. I really needed that" she laughed. "When did you become such a relationship expert?"

I was about to explain my newfound love of Dr. Phil when I heard a familiar voice screaming my name.

"SAKURA!"

"SAKURAAAAA!"

"SAKUUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAA!"

"I'm here, I'm here you idiot what's the matter" I screamed to Naruto as I ran over to the guys.

"Well you see, us fellows here were trying to find the bus to put our bags in, but all we could find was this piece of junk" he said as he pointed to an old Volkswagen van.

"Naruto, that's it"

"That's what?"

"That's our transportation you dipshit"

The guys proceeded to stare the van down as though it had just grown nipples or something.

"You have got to be kiddin' me" Kiba growled.

"What's wrong with it?" I questioned. "It's a beaut and plus it still works like a charm. My dad used to drive it during his big road trips."

"In the 70's?" Choji snorted out while munching on chips

"Well yeah."

"Ok, are we just going to sit here and talk about the cars of the decades or are we going to pack up and get this over with" Sasuke stated as he brushed past Neji to get to the van.

Someone needs 10 more hours of sleep.

"Ok Sakura. No thanks to you I have finally figured out the perfect outfits to get Shika back" Ino exclaimed as she hopped beside me. "He won't be able to resist me when he sees outfit number 3."

I shook my head staring at her outfit that consisted of a black, sleeveless maxi dress, sandals, and hoop earrings.

"Honestly, Ino I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of what you're wearing! We're going camping not going to da club" I scoffed while doing a last minute check of my backpack.

"We'll sorry Billboardbrow, but not all of us can rock the whole lumberjack, experimental lesbian look" she snarled while staring at me up and down.

I looked down at my khaki shorts, green cami, and red, plaid button down. I then looked back at her and shot her a cheeky smile.

"Oooooooh I get it. You're jealous of these bad boys" I stated while striking a pose and pointing at my new hiking boots. They made my legs look killer if I did say so myself. However, Ino's gagging in the background made me think otherwise.

"Hey sorry we're late" a lazy voice dragged on.

Speak of the devil I thought as I spun to greet Shikamaru.

And his lady friend…

"Heyyyyy Shikamaru" I replied confusingly.

I didn't mean for it to sound so hesitant, but I was not expecting for his friend to be a girl. Better yet a pretty girl, with a nice pair of-

"This is Temari" he explained as we all just looked on at the couple that had just arrived.

All the boys continued to pack up, eyeing up the new girl as they did so while TenTen and I gawked. In my head I was hoping Ino was remembering what Dr. Phil taught us last week about anger management.

"We met at a soduku competition" he continued.

They had those? And they say I'm a nerd.

"Nice to meet you" she said. "I'm really excited to hang out with all of Shikamaru's friends."

"It's nice to meet ya!" Ino said as she extended her hand and shook Temari's.

My mouth dropped in awe at the fact that Ino wasn't in fact extending a knife into her instead.

"And I'm Sakura" I stammered getting over the shock of Ino's odd behavior.

"Hey can we finish this little introduction inside this ancient old thing? I'm ready to GO!" shouted Kiba

Everyone hauled butt into the van reminding me that this camping trip was indeed happening. But first.

"What the hell was that, Ino?" I said between clenched teeth.

"What do you mean?" She stated nonchalantly.

"You know exactly what I mean! Why didn't you go crazy!? Shikamaru brought a girl, that's right, a girl on the camping trip! Why aren't you freaking?'

"Because that's what the old Ino would do and I'm not falling back into old ways. I'm showing him that I've matured. I'll let Tammy-

"Temari" I interjected

"Whatever, have her little fun now, but I will not go down without a fight. By the end of this trip Shikamaru will be mine again. Besides he doesn't even like girls with fake tits."

And with that she pranced onto the bus and left me with a new fond respect for her.

At least I think that's what I would call it.

I boarded onto the van and immediately spotted Sasuke as I plopped down onto the driver's seat.

"Hey, you want to be my second in command? I can drive this bad boy but I'm shit at directions. Your mission, if you chose to accept it, is to help me get to this campsite. Do you think you can handle it?" I asked with a cheeky smile.

"Sure, but only because you really want me too" he returned with a smirk.

"I don't need you that badly" I quipped, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Of course you do" he said as he took the passenger seat "or else you could have easily put the address on your phone's GPS and have it give you directions. It's kind of sad how you make excuses just to be in my awesome presence."

'Ohhh darn you caught me! After I worked so hard in trying to hide my ill forsaken attempts to be near you" I sarcastically stated.

We locked eyes for just a second too long for my liking.

"No need to break a sweat kid. I'd do anything for you Sa-ku-ra."

So much for anti-flirting.

I quickly turned around to face the rest of the group because I'll be damned if he saw me blushing.

"Ok! Who's ready for a week of amazingly, über fantastic, melt your brain, action packed adventure!?"

* * *

**So here it is, the story of my first camping trip. For some of you ladies it may completely turn you away from camping and for others it may incite you to take down your old sleeping bags from the attics and go out and be one with nature. **

**However, to keep my journalist integrity I must remind you that I could not sugarcoat this or fabricate any of it to make it sound amazing. In all honesty my camping experience was anything but that. At times it was frustrating, annoying, embarrassing, and unfortunately sad, but heck isn't that what usually comes with the territory of summer? So why not get in done in one week.**

**Just kidding, but in all honesty this trip was quite the adventure. With all that bad stuff also came some nice laughs and good times with great company. Along the way we even discovered new things about each other and ourselves. From this experience I was able to conjure up a list of what I learned about camping, which may be able to help you lovely ladies the next time you want to unleash your inner Man vs. Wild! So read on to why you should definitely (or definitely not) include camping on your summer to do list!**

**Xoxo**

** A Not So Happy Camper**

* * *

**Objective: A weekend full of camping fun with friends that would create awesome memories like in those cool indie flicks….or at least make for a good article.**

"Ew. Ewwwwwww. Ok who just farted?"

**Result: A weekend from hell brought to you by the she-devil known as Mother Nature.**

* * *

Welp there it is! I hope you guys like it so far. For my last story I ended up posting all the chapters at once, which I learned actually wasn't the best idea so this time I'm going to post as I write (as it should be UwU). Anywho, the rest of the story will just be the experience itself, so no more jumping back and forth between the article. Instead it'll just have the lessons Sakura learns while camping as the title thingy. Here's a sneak peek of the next chapter to give you a feel of it!

Lesson Number 1:

Two roads diverged in a wood and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

Which is why we got lost and had to pick up a hitchhiker.

Any guesses who the hitchhiker might be? Hmmm? Please read and review! I would love to hear feedback and learn what I can work on (and also your guesses on the character who will be joining the gang :3)! Thanks :)


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